We may have survived yet another war on Christmas. But we must remain vigilant. For the very same secularist, Muslim, homosexualist, communist, atheist freedom-haters who try to take the Christ out of Christmas (and put the melanin into Santa and Jesus) are attacking the very nexus of our entire 2,000-year-old (give or take) Earth: the relationship between man and wife. But have no fear. Below are some handy and holy tips on love, relationships, dating and marriage, which allow you to please yourself (not that way), your mate and your Lord.
1. Girls: Shut up. Justin Lookadoo (how sexy is that name!) is a faith-based dating coach, motivational speaker and former juvenile probation officer (killer combo). His books include “Dateable: Are You? Are They?,” “The Dateable Rules” and “The Dirt on Sex.” Lookadoo’s website offers the following gems:
- “Dateable girls know how to shut up. They don’t monopolize the conversation. They don’t tell everyone everything about themselves.”
- Shutting up also prevents girls from doing undateable things like asking boys out.
- “God made guys as leaders. Dateable girls get that and let him do guy things, get a door, open a ketchup bottle [never thought of that one]. They… let guys be guys. Which means they don’t ask him out!!!!!”
Also, a dateable girl “isn’t Miss independent.”2. Boys: Be wild, but godly, and cover up your ladies. Lookadoo says dateable boys “bring God into it.” But that’s more fun than it sounds, since “men of God are wild, not domesticated. Dateable guys aren’t tamed.” But that doesn’t mean being too wild: God’s dateable guys know “porn is bad for the spirit and the mind. They keep women covered up.”3. Share an eating disorder. The Christian Broadcast Network has some (101, to be exact) ideas for “ Creative Dates.” A few of my favorites are nutrition-related: “Make up a fun diet together,” or “Eat creatively one whole day for $1.18.”
have you had enough? this is like Letterman's list and just as comical except he expects people to follow this has he officially gone off the cliff, and are they letting him do it to retire him and the next in line takes over the cash cow?
7. Wives: Keep the devil out by submitting. Karen Blake, the author of “Do You Hear the Battle Cry? An Essential Handbook for the Wives of Christian Men,” has a lot to say about marriage. The bad news is that, “Satan is out to kill your marriage and destroy your ministry.” (But we already knew that.) The good news is that “God has given you the tools to defeat him.” One of the best Satan-defeating tools is submission: “The devil has worked for centuries to set up a world system that says a strong woman must never submit to a man. It says, “Submission means getting walked on.” God clearly commands, “Wives, be subject—be submissive and adapt yourselves—to your own husbands” (Eph. 5:22, Amplified).” As usual, Michele Bachmann is right.8. Put out so your husband behaves. In her Christian.com-published book ”No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage,” Julianna Slattery offers some great tips on how women can help their helpless husbands resist temptation. Take the story of Sheila and Mark:“While Sheila seemed content to put their sexual relationship on hold for the time being, Mark responded by initiating more frequently. If he was a deer panting for water, she was a camel who seemed capable of walking through the desert for months at a time without a water break. [powerful imagery!]Over time, Mark began to direct his sexual needs through masturbation and light pornography. A few nights a week, he would stay up late, surfing channels, hoping to catch a glimpse of something sexual. The guilt and shame he felt only intensified the rift of intimacy in their marriage…. More than anything else, he longed to be pure, to share his sexuality only with Sheila. But life was too busy, his desire too strong, his will too weak, and the gulf between them too great.Like Mark, your husband depends on you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation…. you are a key component in his victory. You’re the only woman in the world whom your husband can look at sexually without compromising his integrity!”
have you ever heard this kind of chauvinistic crap coming from your preacher's mouth if no, then you are not a evangelical. he puts all the responsibility on the woman all the man needs to do is work, eat and get some, what a life male is the boss the mate is, well a servant with benefits if you can call it that. do you really think God intended for woman to be forever subservient?
