Shares of presidential candidate Mitt Romney debuted today on the New York Stock Exchange. The stock, trading under the ticker symbol USA, surged nearly 30 percent before selling off and ending the day at $31.20, slightly above its offering price of $31.00. The campaign raised approximately three billion dollars with the offering.The IPO of Mr. Romney was underwritten by a number of investment banks including, but not limited to: Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Credit Suisse, Citibank, Bank of America, Deutsche Banks, Barclays Capital, Morgan Stanley, Nomura Securities, Allen & Company, UBS, Wells Fargo, Cantor Fitzgerald and Bain Capital. Trading activity indicates that all of the banks sold their Romney shares at today’s peak, while simultaneously telling their clients to buy. “Each of the banks probably pocketed close to a billion dollars,” said one veteran Wall Street trader. “I doubt the SEC will investigate because it will just make Obama look anti-business.”Smith and Wesson, which manufacturers pistols, rifles and semi-automatic machine guns–many of which are popular with street gangs and terrorists–recently purchased millions of pre-IPO shares of Mitt Romney after the candidate, in response to the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, said that “changing the gun laws won’t make all bad things go away.” Smith and Wesson now owns 18 percent of Mr. Romney.Casino magnate Sheldon Adelson, who lost several million dollars on his ill-fated investment in Newt Gingrich, has been acquiring huge chunks of Mr. Romney over the last several months and now owns 34 percent of him. As the controlling shareholder, Mr. Adelson has not been shy about exercising his newfound influence over the candidate. Earlier this week, for example, the casino magnate sent Mr. Romney to Israel and made the candidate enthusiastically endorse a pre-emptive Israeli attack on Iran, proclaim Jerusalem the capital of Israel and decline to support a two-state solution.
this is satire but the truth can be stranger than fiction. what's done in the dark can take years to come to light, just sayin'.
